Speaking... Publicly

I love it, I don't know why, but when I do it I get so happy...
Public Speaking.
       Ever since I was little, just giving a pointless one minute talk in church just made me feel so special for no apparent reason. Most people get up to speak and tell about how nervous they are and they joke around about wishing someone else would've had to do this. Not me. I get up there and I'm like, "Ahhh yeaaaah. Now I have all ya'll suckers attention!" Okay, I don't really think that, but I do get excited.
       I can't really explain why I love it so much. It's just something that has always been easy for me, even though it's something that I would never actually volunteer for (because then I would seem prideful or something like that) but whenever I hear that someone needs a speaker I silently plead in my head, Me, me, me pick me! I'll do it! 
       So when I do get asked its like a rush of adrenaline, I immediately get all excited and millions of things run through my head, I could tell about that one time, or maybe point out that certain thing, what if I were to say this? I spend awhile just writing all my ideas down with no organization, then I start talking out loud, putting it all together. When I finish preparing my "work" I wait in anticipation for when I get to share... Then I always regret it like 5 seconds before I have to do it though. My heart starts pounding, my hands tremble and it gets harder to breathe. I walk slowly up to the stand and my legs feel like jello, I wish desperately that I could run away... But then I start to talk, the words just come naturally, and it's so easy to say everything I know I need to say. I could go on and on and on forever explaining things in detail, telling stories, sometimes I don't even remember what I've said, but some how I'm able to connect everything and it makes sense.
       People always talk about 'natural highs' and it sounds really weird, but Public Speaking gives me that fake high. And now that I think about it, it's not exactly the speaking that gives me that feeling, its the feeling afterwards.. compliments and knowing that I made a difference in someone's life because I was successful in getting a message across. That sounds kind of selfish, but it's one of the few times that I receive real, genuine compliments. That's why last night I was one of the happiest people alive. One lady in our ward, who's opinion I really cherish was talking to my mom and I just "happen" to hear, "Annie should write a book, she has such a gift at this and writing. She's a remarkable young lady." Then another woman, "Annie I hope you're going on a mission!" Or, "Oh my gosh I adore you." Then, "That was wonderful, I needed to hear that."
       But really, probably my favorite thing is, that I'm actually talking. Something that's really hard for me to do just one-on-one with a person. I'm talking and I'm doing it well, I'm enjoying it. I can finally say what I'm thinking, what I feel, sure I can write it but this has a different satisfaction to it.
I love it.