Voices #6.

This song is so emotional for me. Just the words and their voices. I love it. 

Fix You (Coldplay) by Boyce Avenue and Tyler Ward

When Will You Believe?

If I could pull down a hand full of sunshine and give it to you, I would. 
If I could collect a bottle over flowing with star dust, I would. 
If I could catch every rain drop that made you sad, I would. 
If I had to break every mirror in the world to make you believe that you are beautiful, I would. 
Because you are worth it. There is not one person who has lived, is living, or will live who does not deserve happiness and the freedom from insecurity. 

If there is one thing that I hate more than anything it's when a girl or a boy believes that they are not good enough.
It breaks my heart. 
Especially when they give themselves away to become something that they believe is easier to love. If a boy or girl makes you believe that you have to change, then they were NEVER worth it. 
There is something about the world that has made us believe that just healthy isn't good enough. That if you don't have toned legs, or a six pack you some how are worth less than the people that are like that. I want to some how destroy every part in your brain that is telling you that.
The voices around you and inside your head that are saying, "I'm not pretty enough.", "I'm not funny enough.", I"m not thin enough.", or "I don't have enough muscles." are lying. You are worth so much more than the color of your eyes, the clothes you fit into, and the shade of your skin.
You have a light inside of you that only ignites when you are true to yourself.
It makes me want to scream when I hear someone say, "I'm too fat.", "I'm too ugly." When I see someone get to the point of eating disorders and self harm of cutting.
LOOK IN THE MIRROR. GO LOOK RIGHT NOW. NOW STARE AT THAT BODY. LOOK AT YOUR BODY OF FLESH, LOOK AT THAT PERSON WHO HAS AN INCREDIBLE BEATING HEART. Now imagine yourself sickly skinny, imagine yourself covered in scars.
THAT IS NOT BEAUTIFUL. Whoever made you believe that, that was beautiful, get rid of them. Get rid of them now. Because there is not an ounce of blood in this Universe that is worthless. Fat and skinny do not exist. Ugly and pretty do not exist. It's all in your head. SO STOP. STOP IT. SO WHAT YOU AREN'T A MODEL? GET OVER IT, THE FACES IN MAGAZINES DON'T EXIST. GET OVER IT, AND LEARN TO LOVE SOMEONE REAL.
Stand up to those people, stand up to a photo-shopped and fake society and say, "Forget this, I am amazing, I am worth it."
Happiness does not suddenly appear on the other side of the bridge when you finally get to 'pretty' to 'skinny' to 'buff'. Happiness has no boundaries to what you look like.
You are incredible. If there is no one in your life telling you that, I am. Because you are. I don't have to see your face, hear your voice, or even know your name. I know that you are amazing. That your heart and your brain are just like mine and they carry more potential than you could ever comprehend. I don't know what it will take to make you believe that you are fine just the way you are, but I hope that one day you will come to know of your infinite worth as a human being.
Believe in yourself. 
Believe in your magic. 

Quote(s) of the Week.

Ever feel lonely?

Matthew 28:20 -  "...and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Deuteronomy 31:6 -   "Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."

His love is perfect and will never fail. So don't give up, and look to Him; He will hold you.

Strangers.

       I stood on the edge. Toes hanging off, body slanted forward. The adrenaline pumped through my veins, sending explosive heart beats through my body. I gazed down into what seemed like an abyss. My breath caught in my throat as I argued with myself. I bit my lip. In front of me, a gaping monster of a hole threatened to consume my entire life. This pit is always here, an ever-present reminder of my insanity.
        The mouth of the pit fluctuates with every event in my life, just waiting for me to give in. This hole is a part of me. If I am happy, it closes. If I'm feeling torn apart, it bids me for an emotionless ride, where I am able to shut down. All I have to do is,
Jump.
       Jump to spare myself from the outside world... And now I stand debating that word, jump. I want to jump. Last year I did, and it was around this same time. I balanced on the edge when my Grandpa died, and here I stand once more... You know, every year it seems, I find friends... And as the year wears on we slowly drift apart because they realize they would most definitely rather spend their time with someone a lot more funny and entertaining. Then once again every summer I am left to spend it alone.
       So I let myself fall into this pit. It urges me, and guarantees me a couple of months of living without my over emotional heart. It tells me the truth about how f I was funnier, cuter and crazier the friends would last. It tears me apart because I know it's true, and I hate myself everyday because of it.   What would I give to not have to wander lunch alone, to not have to spend the weekends getting the grudging invite... to just know what I'm doing wrong.
       ... That's all I want... I just want to know what I'm doing wrong... I'd try as hard as I could to fix it. I'm just so tired of trying to find new friends every year. It's suffocating, a slow pain of knowing that you're not good enough... I pray so much about being able to change enough to be a person people would like more. I guess some things take a long, long time, or maybe it just won't happen...
       I know this sounds dramatic, but being completely alone in a crowd of people, is one of the hardest things to do. The whole situation makes me more furious than words can describe... I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'm not going to the parties. I'm not going to put them through the guilt trips just to get meaningless texts. No. I'm just done. I'm out.
       I have jumped.

Where I Remain.

        She walked outside of the house onto the porch, hoping to escape. Bare feet pressed against warm concrete in the sun, she shut the front door quietly. Moving down the steps of the house, she stepped around broken pieces of chalk. As she walked onto the wet, sharp grass, a light breeze started. She stopped suddenly and turned to face her body against the wind. It blew harder, sucking the air of the high temperature and removing the heat from her skin. It kept going, rustling the branches and leaves of the nearby trees and bushes. Her hair was lifted up and began to swirl and move away from gravity, she closed her eyes. Then it stopped, and the heat was quickly upon her once more. She opened her eyes in disappointment and stood still for a few moments, curling her toes into the dirt. She squinted towards the sun, listening to the bees hum their merry tune, and each bird chatter to one another. A frown played across her mouth as she gazed at her hands, so she stuck them in her pockets and turned to keep walking.
       After walking for a little while, she ran across a burning asphalt parking lot and to the cooler curb. Before she crossed the street, again the childish wind teased at her back and moved her shirt around. This time she ignored it before moving across the rocky road to the field. She grabbed a pair of sneakers from her back pack as the wind still persisted behind her. Slipping the old and muddy shoes on, she strode into the wheat colored weeds. They reached up to waist and snagged her shorts, the wind rushed through them, and it gave the allusion that they were whispering to her. Quiet quotes and phrases from the day, mimicking her teachers and friends. Friends... The word made her angry, she snatched up a hand full of the weeds, wrenching them from the ground. For a moment the whispers stopped, and she was saddened, and she dropped her hand full. She turned to the direction of her high school, where lies and deception lurked in every hall way. A wave of hatred over took her, she hated those people who made her believe in love, yet abandoned her the moment they were released from the walls that held them inside.
       The wind then picked up. She turned around once more, half expecting it to be grinning playfully at her. She sighed as she realized that the wind was only wind, no figment of happiness was there. But as she stood there, the whispers turned to screams as the wind blew harder then ever. Fear skipped across her chest, daring her to move. Soon the air whipped around her body, her hair thrashed about her face, smacking her face. Then it was hard enough that she fell backwards, the screams faded into a silence of mercilessness. Dirt flew into her eyes, covering her face, she tucked her knees to her chest. She was scared, and her breathing was harsh, and the longer she sat there the more the fear in her heart tormented her, taunting her imagination.
       After some time the atmosphere faded into a soft rhythm. Cautiously, she lifted her face from her body. She gasped and felt her stomach drop.
There was nothing.
It was blank. A pure white surrounded her. There was no line to differentiate the ground from the sky, the walls from the corners. It was like being in a white sphere with no direction. The wind had erased everything. It had erased the place that held her pain, sadness, misery and despair. But it had come with a cost, it had also erased the things that had brought her joy, her family and music. She felt absurd, and some deep place in her knew these things would not return. She felt surprisingly emotionless and did not know what to do with herself, so she moved forward in the strange, pale mirage.
       She walked for what seemed like hours in every direction, soon she closed her eyes and paced about, though she never stumbled, there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Eventually, she sat down out of boredom, and picked the mud off her shoes, as it flaked off and hit the white, it disappeared. She stared at the spot in which the white had seemed to absorb the dirt. She slowly repeated the action, and the exact same thing happened. She felt that same pit in her stomach from earlier and she laid back, thinking sorrowfully of her family. Turning over on her side something caught her off guard. In the spot where the mud had evaporated, a thick black marker had emerged. Warily, she grabbed it and blankly looked at the object. She bit her lip in curiosity, and pressed the thick tip to the floor. She drew a simple flower, and unlike the dirt, it stayed for a moment. She smiled and was about to draw more before her picture slowly faded. She felt exasperated and was close to tears until a real flower grew right there from the ground. Startled, she scooted away. She gaped at the creation in amazement. After a minute, she reached out and felt the velvety petal. An idea grabbed her brain, she picked up the marker once more, and drew some grass around the flower. Soon enough, real grass appeared.
        This made her heart jump and she began to draw everything she could think of. She drew her house and created a new neighborhood for it. When the houses were finished, she filled them with pretty people, and as she finished her picture in her own house, she squealed with joy as her own family appeared before her. She could touch them and talk to them, and for awhile she was very happy, as she completed her very own, perfect world. As time wore on, the marker never died, but she came to realized how everyone whom she was surrounded by had an emptiness in them. In the utopia she had worked so hard to find, there was no true happiness, and she began to realize that everything that had appeared was there physically, but not mentally. It was all merely parts of her imagination come to life, they were not real. She had gotten what she wanted, a place where she could grow up happy. But instead she had created a blank world. A world where she existed neither happy nor sad.
She merely, existed.

"You don't become happy by pursuing happiness. You become happy by living a life that actually means something." 
                                               - Harold S. Kushner

Growing Up.

       Growing up means that you find out who you really are, not the image in the mirror, not the color of your hair and eyes, not the color of your skin. It's deeper than that, it's everything that pumps through your blood, it's the images your brain plays as you daydream, it's the colors you wear on a summer day, it's the books you read, it's your personality. When you finally find yourself, it also means that you can change yourself. Growing up is when you realize some things need to go and you are willing to accept that change. Maybe even become the person you always wanted to be.
       Growing up means getting hurt. Whether it's heart break, loneliness or despair  You can never avoid getting hurt very badly. Don't give up though, when we have struggles it's God's way of showing us that He knows what our divine capabilities are. Without pain there is no pleasure, without sadness there is no happiness, without failure there is no success. The light is always brighter when you've come out of darkness. We are all imperfect, and you are lying to yourself if you say you haven't ever hurt anyone, because you have. We are all people hurting each other both intentionally and unintentionally, trying to get by in this crazy thing called life. So when life is a rainstorm, learn to dance in the rain while waiting for the rainbow that uses the rain to shine.
       Growing up mean losing people you care about more than anything. Whether it's your choice or not, it's never easy to let go of relationships. Sometimes it ends in harsh words, hurt feelings and the decisions to cut them completely out of your life. Sometimes it's almost completely the opposite, you sit by them at lunch everyday, you wave at them in the hallways and you talk through text. But when it comes to hanging out and getting birthday party invitations, they never come, you are never mentioned, you could be on the other side of the world. Being friends is more like you the last name on the reserve list: the last choice they have. Because you've gotten replaced with someone funnier and cuter, or circumstances/feelings have been changed about you. That;s okay though, sometimes friendships aren't meant to last and even though it makes you feel inadequate, it gives you the chance to meet new people, and change your life's perspective on different kinds of people, and even their culture.
       Growing up means you have to take a lot more responsibility. Which means getting a job, taking school more seriously and having a lot more expected out of you from your parents.
       Growing up means everything changes.
       And I don't think I really like it...

Different Places on the Path.

        This morning, when I was walking down to my friend's house to go to the bus stop. There was something that caught my eye. As I was coming down the street, I saw two birds sitting at the base of this one tree. All of the other birds quickly flew away, but these two sat there staring at me. I stopped and took a step towards them, one of them flew up a foot or two before coming back down to land in the same place. The other one didn't move at all. At this point I was curious, so I moved just slightly forward. This time the one that flew let out a chirp, and the other made a feeble hop in the other direction. It was obvious that it was injured and couldn't move. I backed up a few steps, ready to leave. But still the stronger bird continued to  chirp and urge the weak one to move. I looked closer and saw that it's wing was bent in the wrong direction.  I hesitantly moved away from the pair, as they made a very slow progress across the street to get their distance from me. I stayed where I was until they were safe on the other curb.
       I guess I should have left immediately to spare the poor bird of such a long and hard movement, but there was something about the situation that I couldn't just walk away from. It was evident that one bird could fly, and that one could not. Despite the circumstances, it was clear that the healthy bird was not going to leave the less fortunate one. That amazed me. One of these birds could have easily and conveniently left the frail one to live lonely and painfully. There was no commitment, it could have just left and gone on with it's birdie life. But it didn't...
      How many of use would do that? Or how many of use haven't done that? Have we been the ones to leave someone behind who couldn't quite fend for themselves? I know I have, too many times. Whether it was their spiritual, emotional, or mental health haven't we all given up on someone too soon? There are times, I understand, where there isn't anything you can do and it's too much weight on you, so you let go. But what about the times that all that was required of you was  a little bit more patience? A little extra time? Skipping a couple of hang out plans? But in the moment it was merely a pebble in your shoe, so you cut the rope out of pure irritation. Why are we so quick to slash people our of our lives just because we feel that they aren't good enough? That sounds harsh, but really when you get down to it, isn't that why, in these situations, we run ahead in the forest to let them find their way without any help? Because they weren't good enough. 
       Think about it. How many times have we really humbled ourselves to help raise up the weak? Or is it just too much of an inconvenience?

             We complain about a ruined society, but have we ever stopped to try and help that society? 

Quote of the Week.

"Never let a problem to be solved, become more important than a person to be loved."
                                           - Thomas S. Monson

The Storm Is Only But a Moment.

No matter how hard it gets.

No matter the amount of times you fall down.

No matter what the person in the mirror looks like.

Never give up on yourself. 

You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it. It may seem hard now, but I promise you that storm clouds don't last forever. Eventually the wind will blow them away, you just have to wait for the sun to break through.      

The wait is worth it.

So just don't give up. 

Ever.

You can make it through anything.

Quote of the Week.

"Truth is truth. Whether one chooses not to see or believe it, it still is true."
                                      - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

When Night is Falling.

       "Look at the stars," he said, "look at what the whole world takes for granted."
       So I looked.
       I looked up and I saw worlds undiscovered, I saw glittering adventures out in a place I could never dream of going. I stole a glance at him, his eyes were still captivated towards the sky. His lips had a slow smile written across them, his face reflected the smooth night's warmth. On the swing his body was slightly tipped backwards, while his hands gripped the metal chains. I let out a low breath, looking back to the stars.
       "Beautiful," I said simply, leaving my mind to question what exactly I was talking about when I whispered the word.
       

     
       

Be the Change.

       I want to tell you a real quick story about I girl I know, and everyday I look to her as an example.
       
The story goes like this,  Once upon a time in a regular town, there was regular girl. She was beautiful and smart and funny. This girl loved old books and the smell of rain, she liked to listen to music and do the regular things that all girls find enjoyable. She wasn't prom queen and she didn't have silky legs, sometimes her hair was messy and she wouldn't wear makeup. She didn't have a boyfriend or lots of friends. She wasn't popular. She was kind and tried as hard as she could to make other people happy. She was far from perfect, and sometimes felt sad and lonely. She seemed just like the rest of us. 
       And yet she was very different. She didn't post her problems on Facebook or fight on Twitter. She didn't talk bad about the people she was jealous of, when she looked in the mirror she didn't care what she saw because she knew who she was. She was great, she was a Daughter of God, and fishing for compliments wasn't necessary. Her life had more value then the label society had put on it and she knew that. She loved with her heart, not her eyes. And even though she was nice and wonderful to people, some teenagers didn't like her. That didn't bother her though, you can never have everybody like you. When it came to her outside appearance, social status, and love life she didn't care. Not in the least. She knew who she was. 

And that made all the difference.