"Harry Potter is all about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend."
- Stephen King
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
Attitude
Well... I kind of had a mini explosion yesterday... Sorry about that.
Today, is going to be a good day. Whether uneventful or a total party. Whether I see a boy or I just hang out with my girls. Whether I eat lots of food or go out and run. Whether you say something to hurt me or give me a wonderful compliment. It's going to be good.
One of my friends and I were talking the other day, when we came to the conclusion that everything really does depend on your attitude. If you decide that you're going to have a bad day, then you're going to have a bad day. If you decide that you aren't going to care and that you're going to be the happiest person alive, you're going to be the happiest person alive.
So my goal starting this very moment is to look into every day, optimistically. I want to get all I can out of every day that I'm young, and when I'm aging, when I have little ones, and when I'm using a walker. I know sometimes it won't be possible, some days I'll crash. But now I'm ready.
All that I have to say to the future is, bring it on.
Today, is going to be a good day. Whether uneventful or a total party. Whether I see a boy or I just hang out with my girls. Whether I eat lots of food or go out and run. Whether you say something to hurt me or give me a wonderful compliment. It's going to be good.
One of my friends and I were talking the other day, when we came to the conclusion that everything really does depend on your attitude. If you decide that you're going to have a bad day, then you're going to have a bad day. If you decide that you aren't going to care and that you're going to be the happiest person alive, you're going to be the happiest person alive.
So my goal starting this very moment is to look into every day, optimistically. I want to get all I can out of every day that I'm young, and when I'm aging, when I have little ones, and when I'm using a walker. I know sometimes it won't be possible, some days I'll crash. But now I'm ready.
All that I have to say to the future is, bring it on.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Maybe It's Time to Change
Your Facebook post: "I stopped caring what you think about me, and I am more happy, yes it did make a big difference in my life with this baby, and I do know it's going to be hard, but I don't need you to tell me what to think or do. It's my life let me live it so you can get back to living your own."
Ha wow, you're really mature. When I first read that I thought maybe it was about your mom. But later you messaged me: "I hope you know that post was about you. I don't care what you think anymore."
There was so many things I could have said right then to make sure you went away from that conversation feeling like crap. But unlike you, I held my tongue. I decided not to post all of my stupid tantrums on Facebook. You make me so mad. Every time I look at what you've said, or taken pictures of, anger just pounds through me. I want to slap you, that sounds horrible but I do. I want to just scream at you.
It surprised me how many people liked that post, how many people that I thought had a little bit more sense were agreeing with your decisions. Sure, you have your agency, and we're all glad you are happy, but that doesn't mean people should be backing up those bad choices.
I don't know why I'm so angry about this. Maybe it's because it's almost pathetic to me. You see, I moved on from you when I found out you were pregnant. I haven't cared since, it makes me laugh that you're just now realizing that. I've already gone back to my life, I did a LONG time ago, now go find a job instead of complaining about me 'anonymously'.
...As I write about this, I'm getting even more upset.
I makes me feel dumb that I even pitied you at one point, that I wanted to lighten your load. And this is what you do. Wow.
You're ridiculous. You're making me look ridiculous.
I can't believe how mad I am right now. I should stop before actually rant about this to your face.
Maybe I haven't moved on. Maybe that's why I'm angry.
Ha wow, you're really mature. When I first read that I thought maybe it was about your mom. But later you messaged me: "I hope you know that post was about you. I don't care what you think anymore."
There was so many things I could have said right then to make sure you went away from that conversation feeling like crap. But unlike you, I held my tongue. I decided not to post all of my stupid tantrums on Facebook. You make me so mad. Every time I look at what you've said, or taken pictures of, anger just pounds through me. I want to slap you, that sounds horrible but I do. I want to just scream at you.
It surprised me how many people liked that post, how many people that I thought had a little bit more sense were agreeing with your decisions. Sure, you have your agency, and we're all glad you are happy, but that doesn't mean people should be backing up those bad choices.
I don't know why I'm so angry about this. Maybe it's because it's almost pathetic to me. You see, I moved on from you when I found out you were pregnant. I haven't cared since, it makes me laugh that you're just now realizing that. I've already gone back to my life, I did a LONG time ago, now go find a job instead of complaining about me 'anonymously'.
...As I write about this, I'm getting even more upset.
I makes me feel dumb that I even pitied you at one point, that I wanted to lighten your load. And this is what you do. Wow.
You're ridiculous. You're making me look ridiculous.
I can't believe how mad I am right now. I should stop before actually rant about this to your face.
Maybe I haven't moved on. Maybe that's why I'm angry.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Truths of a Teenage Storm Cloud (31-37)
Truth 31: I believe loving your family is everything. You're spending the rest of eternity with them. They may bug you, but chances are, if you grew up with them, you're probably doing the same thing that bugs you.
Truth 32: I hate when you're walking, and the person you're walking by just keeps rubbing against you. I can't stand that.
Truth 33: Fall colors are my favorite.
Truth 34: I always wonder what it'd be like to have normal vision.
Truth 35: I sound like the seagull off of "The Little Mermaid" when I try to sing.
Truth 36: I take English very seriously. I love to write and read, I love trying to find deeper meanings in everything, tearing things apart and looking at them multiple ways. If you don't, get the heck out of my Honors class.
Truth 37: It makes me super duper excited when people ask me to do their makeup for special occasions.
Truth 32: I hate when you're walking, and the person you're walking by just keeps rubbing against you. I can't stand that.
Truth 33: Fall colors are my favorite.
Truth 34: I always wonder what it'd be like to have normal vision.
Truth 35: I sound like the seagull off of "The Little Mermaid" when I try to sing.
Truth 36: I take English very seriously. I love to write and read, I love trying to find deeper meanings in everything, tearing things apart and looking at them multiple ways. If you don't, get the heck out of my Honors class.
Truth 37: It makes me super duper excited when people ask me to do their makeup for special occasions.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Today Was a Good Day
I am beautiful
I am worth it
I am funny
I am a fun person
I am happy
There is nothing wrong with me
... I heard once that if you say something enough times, you'll start to believe it.
I am worth it
I am funny
I am a fun person
I am happy
There is nothing wrong with me
... I heard once that if you say something enough times, you'll start to believe it.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Quote of the Week
"When you have a different personality, body, face,or intelligence, sometimes you don't see the millions of people who love and accept you for who you are. All you notice is the person who doesn't."
- Jodi Picoult
- Jodi Picoult
Monday, October 22, 2012
Juicebox #3
Dear The Beautiful Blond Haired Girl That Lives Up The Street From Me,
How did so many wonderful qualities get put into one person? Because you are amazing. You are strong too, you are VERY strong. I wish there was something I could do or say to make things better with him, or to make sure you never felt low... sadly I have no idea what the heck I'm doing life. So I kinda failed you right there.
You are my best friend. I'm not sure how I would've handled today with out that letter. I cried happy tears, a lot of them, and I'm glad I did. I'm so glad I have you by my side. Without you, I would probably just lay down in the middle of the school hallway and scream. Then my sanity would be even more questioned... There's something so reassuring about your presence, you bring a light to everyone.
I hope you know that I really am here for you. Whenever you need it. Don't ever feel guilty or dumb about talking to me about anything, because I'm probably the most dramatic person you will ever meet so I could never judge you for anything. Ever. I want to help you with everything. I want to listen to silly stories, sad ones too, and even ones that seem pointless that are from your childhood. Text me. Call me. Come to my house. You'll probably get sick of my depressingness, but I will leave my door open for you, always.
You are beautiful. Inside and out.
You are funny.
You are so sweet and caring.
You are a beacon in my darkness.
And if you forget all those things, at least remember this, YOU ARE WORTH IT.
I love you.
Thank you so much for that letter. Thank you so much for being here for me. Thank you so much for being my best friend. Thank you so much for being an example. Thank you for being you.
I LOVE YOU. Don't forget that either. (:
Love, Me
@losingsleep.blog.com
How did so many wonderful qualities get put into one person? Because you are amazing. You are strong too, you are VERY strong. I wish there was something I could do or say to make things better with him, or to make sure you never felt low... sadly I have no idea what the heck I'm doing life. So I kinda failed you right there.
You are my best friend. I'm not sure how I would've handled today with out that letter. I cried happy tears, a lot of them, and I'm glad I did. I'm so glad I have you by my side. Without you, I would probably just lay down in the middle of the school hallway and scream. Then my sanity would be even more questioned... There's something so reassuring about your presence, you bring a light to everyone.
I hope you know that I really am here for you. Whenever you need it. Don't ever feel guilty or dumb about talking to me about anything, because I'm probably the most dramatic person you will ever meet so I could never judge you for anything. Ever. I want to help you with everything. I want to listen to silly stories, sad ones too, and even ones that seem pointless that are from your childhood. Text me. Call me. Come to my house. You'll probably get sick of my depressingness, but I will leave my door open for you, always.
You are beautiful. Inside and out.
You are funny.
You are so sweet and caring.
You are a beacon in my darkness.
And if you forget all those things, at least remember this, YOU ARE WORTH IT.
I love you.
Thank you so much for that letter. Thank you so much for being here for me. Thank you so much for being my best friend. Thank you so much for being an example. Thank you for being you.
I LOVE YOU. Don't forget that either. (:
Love, Me
@losingsleep.blog.com
My Patchwork Heart
I knew they were talking about me. I could tell by the way her eyes kept glancing over the aisle towards me, I could see his snickering face look up at me and he laughed behind a hand. At first, I didn't know what they were saying, maybe it wasn't really about me. Maybe my shoes looked weird, maybe I had some pen on my face. I tried to ignore it and looked down at my biology study guide.
Soon though the painfully stabbing words hit me and he whispered loudly to her, "You know she would be pretty if she was skinnier." Responding to his words she tried to subtly size me up awkwardly turning her head to me. I could feel my forehead get hot, and I knew I probably looked like a tomato. Skinnier. The word seemed to hit right into my heart, slowly slicing at my already patch worked self - esteem.
Maybe they aren't talking about you, I tried to reassure myself. But then, "Who's that?" he said to the boy in front of him. "Who's who?" the boy asked. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me. "The chubby one, across the aisle from me," is what he described me as. "Oh her, that's Annie." Yup, it was me. The chubby one, the one that would be prettier if she were skinnier. Cool. Fantastic actually. After all these years of nice friends, at least I knew now.
The girl looked over at me, "I wonder what it feels like being fat..." Ouch. How about you smack me with a tree trunk? The boy laughed, "Ask her." Maybe you could just peel off all my skin instead. She laughed too, then suddenly silenced, "Oh my gosh she can probably hear us." Yeah you're right. I can hear every single word you're saying, but I'll just pretend I don't to save you heartless people from embarrassment.
I could feel my throat closing up, and my heart rate increased. I felt close to throwing up, tears began to fill my eyes. Who cares Annie? So what? I mean why should it matter? You don't care. Yeah, I care. I care WAY too much. I care so much that I let it decide the kind of person I am, how I act, what I eat, how much I eat, everything. I let other people's opinions control me.
"Maybe we should apologize," she says and her voice sounds nervous. Oh please don't, save me from even more humiliation, just don't. "Why should we say sorry for her being fat?" he replies. Oh gosh, I bite my lip and my body goes numb. I wonder how they would feel if they were my position, I wonder if they realize how much it hurts. How it forms a giant pit in my stomach, how it makes me want to give up and die. I wonder how they would feel if they realized that I went to therapy for 4 months because other people at my Jr. High would say the same things, and just when I thought I had gotten over it, of course it had to happen again...
When the bell rings, I'm the last person to walk out of the classroom. Slowly I make my way downstairs, I've never been so self conscious in my entire life as I was right then. "Hey!" Juice says to me. I want to tell her so badly, I want to just cry and tell her how badly I hurt. I know I can trust her, I know she would be so loving, but I don't want to cry right there. So I don't say anything, I hold it in. And I wish I had said something I wish I would've asked for a hug, or anything, just to mend my heart a little.
I'm going to go listen to the new Taylor Swift album now and maybe cry a little more. Ugh.
My hope in life is that nobody will ever have to feel like this ever.
Soon though the painfully stabbing words hit me and he whispered loudly to her, "You know she would be pretty if she was skinnier." Responding to his words she tried to subtly size me up awkwardly turning her head to me. I could feel my forehead get hot, and I knew I probably looked like a tomato. Skinnier. The word seemed to hit right into my heart, slowly slicing at my already patch worked self - esteem.
Maybe they aren't talking about you, I tried to reassure myself. But then, "Who's that?" he said to the boy in front of him. "Who's who?" the boy asked. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me. "The chubby one, across the aisle from me," is what he described me as. "Oh her, that's Annie." Yup, it was me. The chubby one, the one that would be prettier if she were skinnier. Cool. Fantastic actually. After all these years of nice friends, at least I knew now.
The girl looked over at me, "I wonder what it feels like being fat..." Ouch. How about you smack me with a tree trunk? The boy laughed, "Ask her." Maybe you could just peel off all my skin instead. She laughed too, then suddenly silenced, "Oh my gosh she can probably hear us." Yeah you're right. I can hear every single word you're saying, but I'll just pretend I don't to save you heartless people from embarrassment.
I could feel my throat closing up, and my heart rate increased. I felt close to throwing up, tears began to fill my eyes. Who cares Annie? So what? I mean why should it matter? You don't care. Yeah, I care. I care WAY too much. I care so much that I let it decide the kind of person I am, how I act, what I eat, how much I eat, everything. I let other people's opinions control me.
"Maybe we should apologize," she says and her voice sounds nervous. Oh please don't, save me from even more humiliation, just don't. "Why should we say sorry for her being fat?" he replies. Oh gosh, I bite my lip and my body goes numb. I wonder how they would feel if they were my position, I wonder if they realize how much it hurts. How it forms a giant pit in my stomach, how it makes me want to give up and die. I wonder how they would feel if they realized that I went to therapy for 4 months because other people at my Jr. High would say the same things, and just when I thought I had gotten over it, of course it had to happen again...
When the bell rings, I'm the last person to walk out of the classroom. Slowly I make my way downstairs, I've never been so self conscious in my entire life as I was right then. "Hey!" Juice says to me. I want to tell her so badly, I want to just cry and tell her how badly I hurt. I know I can trust her, I know she would be so loving, but I don't want to cry right there. So I don't say anything, I hold it in. And I wish I had said something I wish I would've asked for a hug, or anything, just to mend my heart a little.
I'm going to go listen to the new Taylor Swift album now and maybe cry a little more. Ugh.
My hope in life is that nobody will ever have to feel like this ever.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Who Am I?
Last night my mom and I were talking when her solution was, "Well you just have to remember who you are." ... Who am I? Excellent question mom, I just have no idea what the answer is.
Interestingly enough, my English teacher today had us write a poem titled: This Is Me, This Is Where I'm From. So here's what I came up with, (I know my so-called poetry is awful, just bear with me)
I am the windy valley, where summer melts us all
I am the cold mountains, plumes of snowflakes on my face.
I am from many places, the houses never last. The long weedy fields that never seem to end.
I am the stickers that poke feet and sting with anger.
I am the negative nancy, the storm cloud of my friends.
I am the grass softly swaying.
I am from the west, horses, cattle, geese.
I live for cotton candy, and melty milkshakes on the front lawn.
I am the salty lake smelling profoundly of brine.
I am the swings at the park, the benches on the grass, the dugouts by the baseball field.
I don't plan on being anything more than me. This is who I am, that's plain enough to me.
Mostly I brought this up to put emphasis on the last line. "This is who I am, that's plain enough to me." At the end of everyday no matter what happened you should be able to say, at least I was myself today. That's all that should matter. Don't let other people's approval and judgement make you be anything other than who you are.
Interestingly enough, my English teacher today had us write a poem titled: This Is Me, This Is Where I'm From. So here's what I came up with, (I know my so-called poetry is awful, just bear with me)
I am the windy valley, where summer melts us all
I am the cold mountains, plumes of snowflakes on my face.
I am from many places, the houses never last. The long weedy fields that never seem to end.
I am the stickers that poke feet and sting with anger.
I am the negative nancy, the storm cloud of my friends.
I am the grass softly swaying.
I am from the west, horses, cattle, geese.
I live for cotton candy, and melty milkshakes on the front lawn.
I am the salty lake smelling profoundly of brine.
I am the swings at the park, the benches on the grass, the dugouts by the baseball field.
I don't plan on being anything more than me. This is who I am, that's plain enough to me.
Mostly I brought this up to put emphasis on the last line. "This is who I am, that's plain enough to me." At the end of everyday no matter what happened you should be able to say, at least I was myself today. That's all that should matter. Don't let other people's approval and judgement make you be anything other than who you are.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Quote of the Week
"What a strange world this would be if we all had the same sense of humor."
- Bern Williams
- Bern Williams
Monday, October 15, 2012
Truths of a Teenage Storm Cloud (25-30)
Truth 25: Everyday I get scared about going to lunch because I never know where or who to sit with...
Truth 26: For your own safety, DO NOT punch, bite, kick, or pinch me. Even if you're 'just teasing' because most of the time it really does hurt. Like with biting especially, I don't want your teeth marks or slobber all over my arm. It's gross and it generally hurts. You may think it's really funny... I don't. So just don't. Ever.
Truth 27: I cannot watch Lord of The Rings. Golem scares the living heck out of me. I can watch ANY horror movie, but do not do anything that involves Golem, I will cry. I still have nightmares about that thing.
Truth 28: My favorite color is sea green.
Truth 29: I chew on my lip and finger nails when I get nervous.
Truth 30: Gauges are gross, whether you're a boy or a girl, whether they're tiny or huge. They're gross, sorry.
Truth 26: For your own safety, DO NOT punch, bite, kick, or pinch me. Even if you're 'just teasing' because most of the time it really does hurt. Like with biting especially, I don't want your teeth marks or slobber all over my arm. It's gross and it generally hurts. You may think it's really funny... I don't. So just don't. Ever.
Truth 27: I cannot watch Lord of The Rings. Golem scares the living heck out of me. I can watch ANY horror movie, but do not do anything that involves Golem, I will cry. I still have nightmares about that thing.
Truth 28: My favorite color is sea green.
Truth 29: I chew on my lip and finger nails when I get nervous.
Truth 30: Gauges are gross, whether you're a boy or a girl, whether they're tiny or huge. They're gross, sorry.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Why Do I Care?
Last week if you would've asked me, "Are you done with boys?" I would've slapped my knee and said, "Oh boy, I am!"
In the summer I promised to myself that I wasn't going to care about boys. I wasn't going to fall for any, I wasn't going to care if my best friend got a boyfriend. I was done, I was so ready to just focus on school and have a good time with my friends. I wasn't going to go places or changing my schedule for a boy. No way! I promised myself with every fiber of my being, that Freshman year was going to be different. I could care less about boys.
And I didn't... mostly... Week 1: Psh, boys are junk heads. Week 2: Could they be more annoying? Week 3: Eh, I could do with out. Week 4: Okay so maybe they can be fun to talk to. Week 5: Just kidding I hate them all again. Week 6: Hey they look really happy together... Week 7: Annie, don't go there, do not go there! Week 8: Ah crap...
Of course, most of my friends have liked this kid, so it's been weird to admit it to myself. Let alone, to other people. I'm kind of just hoping that if I don't tell anyone it'll sort itself out and the feelings will fade quicker if I don't admit it... As I say that though I laugh at myself, I'm going to get jealous, and I know that I'm going to care for a long time. I'm going to get my hopes up and crash like every other time. I don't know why I care right now. I can't date. Nothing could happen... Except for him liking me back...
I got really jealous last night... he spent the whole night with her. Before he showed up, she went on and on about how excited she was that he was coming. I felt my heart crack a little bit, why do I let myself care so much? Why did I break that promise?
Then when he walked down stairs, I had to focus everything on the movie, I couldn't bear to look over and see him having so much fun with her. My hands trembled, out of anger? I wasn't sure, all I know is I'm heading down a hill in a car that doesn't have breaks... There was his laugh again, I winced and stared at the movie, "A Walk to Remember" Out of all the movies we could have watched it just had to be the romantic one. I stand up from the couch to go to the bathroom, when I get back, they've stretched out, so I sit alone on the love sac. I steal a glance at him. Gosh I'm ridiculous, stop Annie, right now, he can like whoever, let him be happy. This is so stupid, you can't let him make you feel this way... I watch the movie, but my mind is in a completely different place.
"Annie," I about jump out of my seat as he says my name. My stomach is suddenly filled with butterflies... no not butterflies, I think the correct term is dragons. I heart quickens, oh my gosh, pull yourself together woman! I slap myself mentally. "Hmm?" is all I can manage in a reply. "Why are you sitting by yourself?" he laughs. "Uh... there's no room on the couch," I simply say. He looks at me for a minute, thank goodness it was dark because I'm not sure how red I was, but I could feel the heat in my face. I fake a smile and turn back to the t.v.
"Annie," he says again, would you stop saying my name like that? Can't you see it's killing me?! "Come here," he says... Say what? Now I'm staring at him. "Come here," he says again. I stand up slowly, and walk to the other side of the room. "Kneel down right here for a second," he whispers motioning to the ground by him. I hesitate, then do what he says, "Yeah?" I question and my voice cracks. He stares at me for a moment again.
"Are you okay?" his voice is quiet. Freakin! Am I really that obvious!? Again, I fake a smile and a laugh, "Of course I'm okay! It's just been a long week and I'm tired." It wasn't exactly a lie, it had been a long week, and I was tired... but not right then I wasn't. I stand up quickly, "I'm fine," I reassure him.
When I got home last night, I shoved my face in my pillow, and muttered to myself, "Someday you're going to have to learn not to care."
Ugh. 'Nuff said.
In the summer I promised to myself that I wasn't going to care about boys. I wasn't going to fall for any, I wasn't going to care if my best friend got a boyfriend. I was done, I was so ready to just focus on school and have a good time with my friends. I wasn't going to go places or changing my schedule for a boy. No way! I promised myself with every fiber of my being, that Freshman year was going to be different. I could care less about boys.
And I didn't... mostly... Week 1: Psh, boys are junk heads. Week 2: Could they be more annoying? Week 3: Eh, I could do with out. Week 4: Okay so maybe they can be fun to talk to. Week 5: Just kidding I hate them all again. Week 6: Hey they look really happy together... Week 7: Annie, don't go there, do not go there! Week 8: Ah crap...
Of course, most of my friends have liked this kid, so it's been weird to admit it to myself. Let alone, to other people. I'm kind of just hoping that if I don't tell anyone it'll sort itself out and the feelings will fade quicker if I don't admit it... As I say that though I laugh at myself, I'm going to get jealous, and I know that I'm going to care for a long time. I'm going to get my hopes up and crash like every other time. I don't know why I care right now. I can't date. Nothing could happen... Except for him liking me back...
I got really jealous last night... he spent the whole night with her. Before he showed up, she went on and on about how excited she was that he was coming. I felt my heart crack a little bit, why do I let myself care so much? Why did I break that promise?
Then when he walked down stairs, I had to focus everything on the movie, I couldn't bear to look over and see him having so much fun with her. My hands trembled, out of anger? I wasn't sure, all I know is I'm heading down a hill in a car that doesn't have breaks... There was his laugh again, I winced and stared at the movie, "A Walk to Remember" Out of all the movies we could have watched it just had to be the romantic one. I stand up from the couch to go to the bathroom, when I get back, they've stretched out, so I sit alone on the love sac. I steal a glance at him. Gosh I'm ridiculous, stop Annie, right now, he can like whoever, let him be happy. This is so stupid, you can't let him make you feel this way... I watch the movie, but my mind is in a completely different place.
"Annie," I about jump out of my seat as he says my name. My stomach is suddenly filled with butterflies... no not butterflies, I think the correct term is dragons. I heart quickens, oh my gosh, pull yourself together woman! I slap myself mentally. "Hmm?" is all I can manage in a reply. "Why are you sitting by yourself?" he laughs. "Uh... there's no room on the couch," I simply say. He looks at me for a minute, thank goodness it was dark because I'm not sure how red I was, but I could feel the heat in my face. I fake a smile and turn back to the t.v.
"Annie," he says again, would you stop saying my name like that? Can't you see it's killing me?! "Come here," he says... Say what? Now I'm staring at him. "Come here," he says again. I stand up slowly, and walk to the other side of the room. "Kneel down right here for a second," he whispers motioning to the ground by him. I hesitate, then do what he says, "Yeah?" I question and my voice cracks. He stares at me for a moment again.
"Are you okay?" his voice is quiet. Freakin! Am I really that obvious!? Again, I fake a smile and a laugh, "Of course I'm okay! It's just been a long week and I'm tired." It wasn't exactly a lie, it had been a long week, and I was tired... but not right then I wasn't. I stand up quickly, "I'm fine," I reassure him.
When I got home last night, I shoved my face in my pillow, and muttered to myself, "Someday you're going to have to learn not to care."
Ugh. 'Nuff said.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Photo Shoots are Fun... Kinda.
Dear Body,
If you could just stop being fat like right now that would be awesome. Because maybe then I could live life smiling a lot more, and have more fun taking pictures with my really cute and thin friends. Thanks.
Love, Me
If you could just stop being fat like right now that would be awesome. Because maybe then I could live life smiling a lot more, and have more fun taking pictures with my really cute and thin friends. Thanks.
Love, Me
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Juicebox #2
Dear Clock,
Did you know Nate and I gave you this nickname in 6th grade? Because your initials are A.M. like the time. Haha, we needed a secret name for you since he liked you, and since we're super smart and sneaky, this is what we called you the whole year. (:
Anyway, did you know that your letter made me feel so much better? I just had this warm fuzzy feeling inside me while reading it and I felt super calm. Suddenly it felt like the school year was going to work out, and I knew that I was really going to be okay, both of us, together. We're going to be okay, this year is going to be okay, the boys are going to be okay, and our friends are going to be okay.
That much I do know. Of course, sometimes you'll still sit there and have bad self - esteem, sometimes you're going to have a bad day, sometimes you're going to cry, sometimes you're going to wish you could leave, but don't let that define who you are and how you live your whole life. In the end this is only going to make you stronger. It sounds cheesy but what doesn't kill you DOES make you stronger, I've learned that numerous times.
I love you.
Love, Me
@losingsleep.blog.com
Did you know Nate and I gave you this nickname in 6th grade? Because your initials are A.M. like the time. Haha, we needed a secret name for you since he liked you, and since we're super smart and sneaky, this is what we called you the whole year. (:
Anyway, did you know that your letter made me feel so much better? I just had this warm fuzzy feeling inside me while reading it and I felt super calm. Suddenly it felt like the school year was going to work out, and I knew that I was really going to be okay, both of us, together. We're going to be okay, this year is going to be okay, the boys are going to be okay, and our friends are going to be okay.
That much I do know. Of course, sometimes you'll still sit there and have bad self - esteem, sometimes you're going to have a bad day, sometimes you're going to cry, sometimes you're going to wish you could leave, but don't let that define who you are and how you live your whole life. In the end this is only going to make you stronger. It sounds cheesy but what doesn't kill you DOES make you stronger, I've learned that numerous times.
I love you.
Love, Me
@losingsleep.blog.com
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Quote of the Week
"Loving yourself is when you know who you are and you're okay with it, isn't being narcissistic or conceited, not at all. It's when you let that make you think you're better than everyone else, that you become an embarrassment to yourself and become a shame."
- My Grandpa
- My Grandpa
Monday, October 8, 2012
Truths of a Teenage Storm Cloud (19-24)
Truth 19: I absolutely love, love, love, love, LOVE laughing. That kind of laughing where you can't breathe and you just hold your aching stomach. I love it when people make me laugh, and when I make somebody else laugh. I just love it.
Truth 20: My favorite feature on myself is my teeth. I know it's weird. But I've never had braces and I've always just had really straight and nice teeth. Go teeth! (;
Truth 21: My favorite Disney Princess is Tiana.
Truth 22: My mom's daycare ruined babies and little kids for me.
Truth 23: I hate shopping. Not the part where you get to run around a mall, or get new clothes or spend time with family or friends. It's the choosing clothes part that I hate. Why? Because companies don't make clothes that flatter fat people in any way. All clothes are skinny jeans for girls with no bum, hips, or thighs. Seeing that I have all of the above, buying clothes doesn't go down so well for me. Then there's the shirts. All shirts are sheer, flowy, and are made for girls with no chest or waist. Of course I have both of those so no shirts fit. And since I'm incredibly stupid I always go shopping with this girl who wear size 0 and 1 and is just a pencil. It really helps raise my self - esteem... no it doesn't. Most times I'll try on tons and tons of clothes then just sit in the fitting room and cry for awhile because nothing fits. *sigh*
Truth 24: I'm a nerdy girl.
Truth 20: My favorite feature on myself is my teeth. I know it's weird. But I've never had braces and I've always just had really straight and nice teeth. Go teeth! (;
Truth 21: My favorite Disney Princess is Tiana.
Truth 22: My mom's daycare ruined babies and little kids for me.
Truth 23: I hate shopping. Not the part where you get to run around a mall, or get new clothes or spend time with family or friends. It's the choosing clothes part that I hate. Why? Because companies don't make clothes that flatter fat people in any way. All clothes are skinny jeans for girls with no bum, hips, or thighs. Seeing that I have all of the above, buying clothes doesn't go down so well for me. Then there's the shirts. All shirts are sheer, flowy, and are made for girls with no chest or waist. Of course I have both of those so no shirts fit. And since I'm incredibly stupid I always go shopping with this girl who wear size 0 and 1 and is just a pencil. It really helps raise my self - esteem... no it doesn't. Most times I'll try on tons and tons of clothes then just sit in the fitting room and cry for awhile because nothing fits. *sigh*
Truth 24: I'm a nerdy girl.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Ocean Eyes
When I get older I want to live by the ocean. I don't want to swim in it, because I actually hate being IN the ocean. The unruly waves always smacking my face, the unknown creatures that occupy it, and the awful smell of salt. I just want to live BY it. When I tell people this they give me blank stares and say slowly, "If you don't really like the ocean all that much... why would you want to be by it all the time?" For awhile, I didn't even know the answer either. Why would I want to live by the ocean? Maybe that is one of the reasons why I really want to be there, because I have no idea why I want to be there so much. The other night a dominant reason became very clear to me though...
I love, love, love the mountains, I love feeling to surrounded and protected by them, I love my little valley surrounded by their towering walls. I love being in the mountains too, I love the way they smell in the fall, all the colors of the trees, and the distant sound of a creek. I love hiking in them and seeing the breathtaking sights below. Why would I want to leave what I love so much? Why would I want to leave the place I've grown up, where I've experienced all the trials and excitements of my life? Well, that's really the reason why. I'll explain later though.
"Where do you want to go when you get out of college?" She asked me. I look out over the football field and see all the players, the backs of all my friend's heads, and I hear shouting and laughter, my chest got warm and I suddenly felt emotional. "The ocean." I said simply and quickly. She nodded, and excuses herself to talk to the boy that's repeatedly calling her name. I stood there for a minute, feeling my throat constrict, and feel so much love for everyone I see standing by me. Again something taunted me, why would you want to leave? I shook my head at myself, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! But then, I do know. Abruptly a flood of understanding that I never knew about myself washed over me.
I want to start over. I want to leave everything behind, I want to take every emotion that's ever happened while being here and throw it away. I want to break the mountains down, I want something new. I don't want to feel trapped by my past, and what I think I'm leaving behind. Because then what would the future even have to hold? I'll be waiting for something I'll never find if I stay. I'll be waiting for what's already happened, I'll be waiting for the past. I want to be my own person, I want to make something out of myself.
In the bleachers I lost my balance and slipped forward and suddenly the freezing air hit me. In a matter of seconds I had felt something so profound and vivid, real life then seemed surreal. My breathing was fast and heavy, my hands shook a little bit. I get to leave. I smiled at myself and stepped back up and looked out with a new freshness in my heart. Like the ocean, I can be ever-changing, I don't have to let yesterday's hurricane ruin tomorrow's calm sea.
And as I sit here thinking about what happened even more, I've noticed something. I don't think it's even the ocean physically that I want to live by or stand in. I want to BE the ocean. I don't want to have to always be defined like I've been for my life. I want to be free.
I want to be me, that's all.
I love, love, love the mountains, I love feeling to surrounded and protected by them, I love my little valley surrounded by their towering walls. I love being in the mountains too, I love the way they smell in the fall, all the colors of the trees, and the distant sound of a creek. I love hiking in them and seeing the breathtaking sights below. Why would I want to leave what I love so much? Why would I want to leave the place I've grown up, where I've experienced all the trials and excitements of my life? Well, that's really the reason why. I'll explain later though.
"Where do you want to go when you get out of college?" She asked me. I look out over the football field and see all the players, the backs of all my friend's heads, and I hear shouting and laughter, my chest got warm and I suddenly felt emotional. "The ocean." I said simply and quickly. She nodded, and excuses herself to talk to the boy that's repeatedly calling her name. I stood there for a minute, feeling my throat constrict, and feel so much love for everyone I see standing by me. Again something taunted me, why would you want to leave? I shook my head at myself, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! But then, I do know. Abruptly a flood of understanding that I never knew about myself washed over me.
I want to start over. I want to leave everything behind, I want to take every emotion that's ever happened while being here and throw it away. I want to break the mountains down, I want something new. I don't want to feel trapped by my past, and what I think I'm leaving behind. Because then what would the future even have to hold? I'll be waiting for something I'll never find if I stay. I'll be waiting for what's already happened, I'll be waiting for the past. I want to be my own person, I want to make something out of myself.
In the bleachers I lost my balance and slipped forward and suddenly the freezing air hit me. In a matter of seconds I had felt something so profound and vivid, real life then seemed surreal. My breathing was fast and heavy, my hands shook a little bit. I get to leave. I smiled at myself and stepped back up and looked out with a new freshness in my heart. Like the ocean, I can be ever-changing, I don't have to let yesterday's hurricane ruin tomorrow's calm sea.
I want to be me, that's all.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Blessings in Disguise
"I'm trying." She says to me.
"I know." I say a little bit too sharply. I see the slightest flinch go through her body. She looks up at me for a moment from where she's sitting in my living room. "Then why do you hate me?" Her voice is small and cracks a little bit.
I sigh and rub my temples, frustrated. I'm silent for a second trying to make sure I'm not about to say something I will regret later. Carefully choosing my words I say, "I do not hate you Fall. There is a difference between hate and disappointment. I am angry and confused with your decisions, I am disappointed that you think this is okay, but I could never hate you. You were everything to me for the past two years." When I finish she still looks confused, "How did I do anything wrong?" she asks. I bite my lip and feel the anger welling up in my throat, I ball my fists up and stare at her. I take a step towards her speaking louder and with every emotion that she ever created in my heart, "Fall, you are a teenager. You are not ready to be a mother. You are homeless. You are broke. What makes you think that I should be happy about this? You are throwing away everything you could have ever been. You are your mom. You are with a boy that has slept with five other girls. Everything you are doing is against everything I know and have been taught in my entire life."
My heart is pounding, and heat is rapidly coming off my angry body. She seemed to shrink in the chair that she was sitting in. "I want to be your friend. But letting you in means I have to let in the influence of pregnancy, immorality, and Brian. I'm not willing to let all those things in after all you did to me." I continue. Now I see the anger flash in her eyes. She stands up, taller than me. She yells at me, "DON'T BLAME ME FOR THIS!"
It takes everything I have not to scream back. Tears fill my eyes and I look up at her and quietly ask, "Then who is to blame?"
"God, my mom, my dad, my Grandma, my brother!" She spits at me.
I shake my head and say, "You didn't have to do what you did, you had a choice. You have your agency. Fall... it's time to take a little bit of responsibility, you can't go through life blaming everybody else for your decisions." My voice was still quiet. Shock washed over her face and her mouth moved up and down but no words came out. I speak again, "This doesn't mean you can't be happy with a baby, but you can't have the full amount of happiness God wants you to have."
She glares at me, "You don't know what I've been through."
I shrug, "You're right."
She sits back down, thinking, "So how long have I been the church's gossip?" she taunts totally changing the subject.
I don't say anything, knowing whatever I say would be the wrong answer. She remains silent for a little bit, then takes out her phone, showing me a picture. It's of her in a bikini and underneath the description says, "Modesty is Everything" She smiles sweetly and innocently at me. "I think I look really good in it... So does Brian." But I don't reply, realizing now she's testing how far she can push me. She grabs my phone from the table looking at the picture of me and my friend T. "Gosh I hate her. Don't you? I heard she's done almost as much as me. Have you yelled at her too?"
I gasp and it feels like a 50 pound weight just hit my chest. My hands get clammy, and tense where I stand. I start breathing heavily and my voice shakes as I try not to snap at her, "I think you should leave." I can tell by the look on her face that she hadn't expected that reaction and an upfront invitation to leave.
"I know it was stupid Annie, but I don't regret Brian." Fall says, standing up again. I bite back numerous arguments and retorts, I stay silent.
She steps toward me now. Only a couple inches from my face, leaning down to whisper at me, "You, Annie Carlile, are the worst friend anyone could ask for, I hope you feel miserable thinking of me. You are a ...." she finishes, calling me an awful curse, she straightens and walks toward the front door, while she puts are shoes back on, she smiles at me. Overwhelming amounts of hurt and pain crash onto me, almost causing me to fall over in distress.
As she turns the door knob, opening the door, she turns back, almost expectant of me to stop her. I look into her eyes, "You may have lowered your standards. But you need to respect mine."
I turned away and walked out of the room, not waiting for her to leave or respond.
That was the last encounter I had with my best friend. It's strange to think that for two years we were inseparable, she was doing so good, I actually thought that she would get over the bump in the road.... Sometimes when I lay in bad at night, I wonder what she's doing right then. I wonder if she remembers the time that she chased a chipmunk and then tripped, ripping her pants. I wonder if she remembers when I laughed and choked on a blue Jolly Rancher. I wonder if she remembers when we played Just Dance and her uncle kept beating her at every song. I wonder if she remembers when her crush kept doorbell ditching her at our sleepover. I wonder if she remembers when we bought all that junk food and never ate any of it. I wonder if she remembers going to Lagoon for her 14th Birthday and how hard we laughed on the Music Express. I wonder if she misses our relationship from before she had a boyfriend.
It makes me heartbroken to see her fall so far away from me, that now we're practically dead to each other. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder if this was part of God's plan for me, if it was a blessing in disguise.
Although her situation makes me so sad, I have gained so much from it. I've gained the wonderful influence of the Sophomores that I now hang out and interact with. I've become so much stronger in my testimony of God and Heavenly Father. In an odd way, I am so grateful for everything that has happened. Although at the time I had no idea I would be so thankful, when it first happened I was so hurt and confused and angry, but it makes a lot of sense to me now. I know I did things wrong, we both did, but I know that I've been changed for the better.
It's like that song off off Wicked, "For Good" I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn and we are lent to those who help us most to grow, if we let them. And we help them in return.... So let me say before I go that so much of me is made from what I've learned from you. You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart, and whatever ways our stories part, I know you've re - written mine by being my friend...
So even if the path seems hard, and you're ready to give up, remember that there is always a reason to carry on and try to be a little better each and every day. (:
"I know." I say a little bit too sharply. I see the slightest flinch go through her body. She looks up at me for a moment from where she's sitting in my living room. "Then why do you hate me?" Her voice is small and cracks a little bit.
I sigh and rub my temples, frustrated. I'm silent for a second trying to make sure I'm not about to say something I will regret later. Carefully choosing my words I say, "I do not hate you Fall. There is a difference between hate and disappointment. I am angry and confused with your decisions, I am disappointed that you think this is okay, but I could never hate you. You were everything to me for the past two years." When I finish she still looks confused, "How did I do anything wrong?" she asks. I bite my lip and feel the anger welling up in my throat, I ball my fists up and stare at her. I take a step towards her speaking louder and with every emotion that she ever created in my heart, "Fall, you are a teenager. You are not ready to be a mother. You are homeless. You are broke. What makes you think that I should be happy about this? You are throwing away everything you could have ever been. You are your mom. You are with a boy that has slept with five other girls. Everything you are doing is against everything I know and have been taught in my entire life."
My heart is pounding, and heat is rapidly coming off my angry body. She seemed to shrink in the chair that she was sitting in. "I want to be your friend. But letting you in means I have to let in the influence of pregnancy, immorality, and Brian. I'm not willing to let all those things in after all you did to me." I continue. Now I see the anger flash in her eyes. She stands up, taller than me. She yells at me, "DON'T BLAME ME FOR THIS!"
It takes everything I have not to scream back. Tears fill my eyes and I look up at her and quietly ask, "Then who is to blame?"
"God, my mom, my dad, my Grandma, my brother!" She spits at me.
I shake my head and say, "You didn't have to do what you did, you had a choice. You have your agency. Fall... it's time to take a little bit of responsibility, you can't go through life blaming everybody else for your decisions." My voice was still quiet. Shock washed over her face and her mouth moved up and down but no words came out. I speak again, "This doesn't mean you can't be happy with a baby, but you can't have the full amount of happiness God wants you to have."
She glares at me, "You don't know what I've been through."
I shrug, "You're right."
She sits back down, thinking, "So how long have I been the church's gossip?" she taunts totally changing the subject.
I don't say anything, knowing whatever I say would be the wrong answer. She remains silent for a little bit, then takes out her phone, showing me a picture. It's of her in a bikini and underneath the description says, "Modesty is Everything" She smiles sweetly and innocently at me. "I think I look really good in it... So does Brian." But I don't reply, realizing now she's testing how far she can push me. She grabs my phone from the table looking at the picture of me and my friend T. "Gosh I hate her. Don't you? I heard she's done almost as much as me. Have you yelled at her too?"
I gasp and it feels like a 50 pound weight just hit my chest. My hands get clammy, and tense where I stand. I start breathing heavily and my voice shakes as I try not to snap at her, "I think you should leave." I can tell by the look on her face that she hadn't expected that reaction and an upfront invitation to leave.
"I know it was stupid Annie, but I don't regret Brian." Fall says, standing up again. I bite back numerous arguments and retorts, I stay silent.
She steps toward me now. Only a couple inches from my face, leaning down to whisper at me, "You, Annie Carlile, are the worst friend anyone could ask for, I hope you feel miserable thinking of me. You are a ...." she finishes, calling me an awful curse, she straightens and walks toward the front door, while she puts are shoes back on, she smiles at me. Overwhelming amounts of hurt and pain crash onto me, almost causing me to fall over in distress.
As she turns the door knob, opening the door, she turns back, almost expectant of me to stop her. I look into her eyes, "You may have lowered your standards. But you need to respect mine."
I turned away and walked out of the room, not waiting for her to leave or respond.
That was the last encounter I had with my best friend. It's strange to think that for two years we were inseparable, she was doing so good, I actually thought that she would get over the bump in the road.... Sometimes when I lay in bad at night, I wonder what she's doing right then. I wonder if she remembers the time that she chased a chipmunk and then tripped, ripping her pants. I wonder if she remembers when I laughed and choked on a blue Jolly Rancher. I wonder if she remembers when we played Just Dance and her uncle kept beating her at every song. I wonder if she remembers when her crush kept doorbell ditching her at our sleepover. I wonder if she remembers when we bought all that junk food and never ate any of it. I wonder if she remembers going to Lagoon for her 14th Birthday and how hard we laughed on the Music Express. I wonder if she misses our relationship from before she had a boyfriend.
It makes me heartbroken to see her fall so far away from me, that now we're practically dead to each other. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder if this was part of God's plan for me, if it was a blessing in disguise.
Although her situation makes me so sad, I have gained so much from it. I've gained the wonderful influence of the Sophomores that I now hang out and interact with. I've become so much stronger in my testimony of God and Heavenly Father. In an odd way, I am so grateful for everything that has happened. Although at the time I had no idea I would be so thankful, when it first happened I was so hurt and confused and angry, but it makes a lot of sense to me now. I know I did things wrong, we both did, but I know that I've been changed for the better.
It's like that song off off Wicked, "For Good" I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn and we are lent to those who help us most to grow, if we let them. And we help them in return.... So let me say before I go that so much of me is made from what I've learned from you. You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart, and whatever ways our stories part, I know you've re - written mine by being my friend...
So even if the path seems hard, and you're ready to give up, remember that there is always a reason to carry on and try to be a little better each and every day. (:
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Juicebox #1
Dear My Only Regular Reader,
I'm not sure where I would be right now if it weren't for the fact the you befriended me. I've been able to move on from the mud that I was stuck in from another friendship. I've met so many new friends, done so many things, been so much happier. I've been accepted because you cared. And I could never thank you enough for that... (: It almost makes me want to cry happy tears. Haha. (:
You are beautiful. I hope you realize that, and that you look at yourself and see the wonderful person you are. The wonderful being that shines out from you, you shine with a brilliance and faith that so many other people don't have. And everyone can see it in those sparkling blue eyes of yours, and the temple that hangs around your neck. I look up to you so much, and you are an incredible example to me.
You never get mad at me when I'm negative or frustrated or annoying or talk in a weird voice or complain (which I do a lot). You just laugh and nod your head. Sometimes I wonder how you stand me so well, and why you would want to be friends with me, but I'm so thankful you do it.
I love you so much, and you have been a real blessing in my life. You ARE beautiful, smart, funny, and nice. You are incredible. And yeah, I just love you. A lot. (:
Love, Me
P.S. You're last post on the 1st, was just, I don't know the right word. But I really love reading your blog and listening to the way you write. It's incredible And I know how you feel.
@losingsleep.blog.com
I'm not sure where I would be right now if it weren't for the fact the you befriended me. I've been able to move on from the mud that I was stuck in from another friendship. I've met so many new friends, done so many things, been so much happier. I've been accepted because you cared. And I could never thank you enough for that... (: It almost makes me want to cry happy tears. Haha. (:
You are beautiful. I hope you realize that, and that you look at yourself and see the wonderful person you are. The wonderful being that shines out from you, you shine with a brilliance and faith that so many other people don't have. And everyone can see it in those sparkling blue eyes of yours, and the temple that hangs around your neck. I look up to you so much, and you are an incredible example to me.
You never get mad at me when I'm negative or frustrated or annoying or talk in a weird voice or complain (which I do a lot). You just laugh and nod your head. Sometimes I wonder how you stand me so well, and why you would want to be friends with me, but I'm so thankful you do it.
I love you so much, and you have been a real blessing in my life. You ARE beautiful, smart, funny, and nice. You are incredible. And yeah, I just love you. A lot. (:
Love, Me
P.S. You're last post on the 1st, was just, I don't know the right word. But I really love reading your blog and listening to the way you write. It's incredible And I know how you feel.
@losingsleep.blog.com
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Quote of the Week
"Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything."
- Alexander Hamilton
New Releases to Checkout: "Begin Again" - Taylor Swift
"Live While We're Young" - One Direction
"Clarity" - Zedd Ft. Foxes
- Alexander Hamilton
New Releases to Checkout: "Begin Again" - Taylor Swift
"Live While We're Young" - One Direction
"Clarity" - Zedd Ft. Foxes
Monday, October 1, 2012
Truths of a Teenage Storm Cloud (13-18)
Truth 13: Horror, suspense, and romance movies are the best.
Truth 14: Reading is what I do because it takes me to another world where I can live and I don't have to be here any more.
Truth 15: The thought of growing up scares me.
Truth 16: If you're a hypocrite, there is no way in Heaven and on Earth that we are ever going to get along.
Truth 17: I hate it when people say, "and this is my friend Annie with red hair." while introducing me. First of all, when you say that you're acting like the people you're talking to are blind or stupid. Second, that makes it sound like I want everybody to notice that I have red hair, and they should all love it. No, just no. That's like me saying, "Hi, this is (insert name) and she is in fact a human being with hair, eyes, a mouth and a nose. Especially a nose, don't forget the nose." You wouldn't introduce anybody else like that! So don't do it to me, because we all already know my hair color is fake.
Truth18: I'm fat. I am. That's the bottom line. I'm not this girl who wears and size 3 and says this. I don't wear a size 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 or 9. I'm above that. And of course I have some really sweet friends that say, "No Annie, you're just curvy." I hate the word curvy. It's just telling a fat girl she's fat without actually saying the word, fat. I don't need you to be nice and sugar coat it, that just makes it worse. Just hug me. Okay? (:
Truth 14: Reading is what I do because it takes me to another world where I can live and I don't have to be here any more.
Truth 15: The thought of growing up scares me.
Truth 16: If you're a hypocrite, there is no way in Heaven and on Earth that we are ever going to get along.
Truth 17: I hate it when people say, "and this is my friend Annie with red hair." while introducing me. First of all, when you say that you're acting like the people you're talking to are blind or stupid. Second, that makes it sound like I want everybody to notice that I have red hair, and they should all love it. No, just no. That's like me saying, "Hi, this is (insert name) and she is in fact a human being with hair, eyes, a mouth and a nose. Especially a nose, don't forget the nose." You wouldn't introduce anybody else like that! So don't do it to me, because we all already know my hair color is fake.
Truth18: I'm fat. I am. That's the bottom line. I'm not this girl who wears and size 3 and says this. I don't wear a size 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 or 9. I'm above that. And of course I have some really sweet friends that say, "No Annie, you're just curvy." I hate the word curvy. It's just telling a fat girl she's fat without actually saying the word, fat. I don't need you to be nice and sugar coat it, that just makes it worse. Just hug me. Okay? (:
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