When Snow is Falling.

       The snow was gently falling, soundlessly in the still night. With just a glimmer of a street lamp light to guide her through the dark, there was nothing but a flicker of hope to show her the way. Cold air bit her nose as she pulled her coat tightly over her body, her teeth began to chatter while her lips became  numb.
       Why are you doing this? Her mind began to argue, Why would you give yourself up once again to her venom? As a small war raged in her head, her footsteps became slower... slower... slower until she stood still for a moment. Shivers of doubt ran through her body, her toes began to freeze... Then came the memories, tidal waves of anger, hurt and maybe even relief. Flashes of emotions, ringing in her ears, pounding in her heart.
You need to move on. 
I don't want to move on..
She hurt you. 
But...
She told you she didn't care about you. 
I know, but maybe if I-
You've tried this before, and failed. Look at your life now, you're so much happier, there's no more pain. Why are you trying to change that??
... I still miss her.
No, you miss who she USED to be. 
I still owe her an apology.
There are different ways to apologize. 
It wasn't fair of me to leave her like I did.
Obviously, life isn't fair. 
... This is just once, I'll just give it to her and be done with it. She'll know I want the best for her...

       In her heart, she knew which argument was right, she knew what she really wanted, and it wasn't where she stood now. Tears streamed down her face, burning her eyes and moving down her neck into her hair. She turned and looked back her house, full of people she loved, a safe haven. Then she turned and looked at where she was headed, an unknown monster waiting to pounce on its next victim. She began to sob uncontrollably and her body shook, her voice made small whimpers, wanting desperately to turn and run. Run until she couldn't breathe, until she collapsed, but she didn't. She stood and cried, sure that at any moment she would run out of tears.
       She wasn't sure how long she had cried, but after what seemed an eternity she began to walk forward sniffling and hiccuping. She walked blindly into an unknown future, her whole body was a throbbing shell of anxiety. The snow was coming down more heavily now and she was scared, but in a way she couldn't force herself to just go home.
       Now she was in front of the house, with the porch light on, the walkway seemed to be a thousand miles long. Her lungs felt like they were under a million pounds of pressure as she tried hard to breathe normally. Slowly, she was on the porch, her frozen finger an inch away from the doorbell, she could see her breath in little puffs and the world began to spin. Then as if electrocuted, she jolted forward pressing onto the little lit button. What have I done? She felt the sudden urge to just pretend like it was a dumb doorbell ditch and flee from the home. Please don't answer, please don't answer... 
       Too late.
       The door opened and a tall, pretty Hispanic woman smiled at the girl, who looked much like a deer in the headlights.  She looked up at the woman with huge, fearful eyes. The woman looked puzzled.
       "Are you lost sweetie?" She asked in some kind of heavy Spanish accent. The girl said nothing, her mouth was glued shut. Instead she shook her head. The woman then smiled kindly, "How may I help you then?"
        The girl once again said nothing, but she she stared down at a small pink bundle in her hands. Tears dripped off her face. The woman didn't know what to say, so she just stared, an obvious look of confusion on her face. Finally, after looking at her hands for so long, she looked at the woman and smiled sadly, "Will you please give this to the pregnant young lady who lives here?" She couldn't bring herself to say the young lady's name. Her voice was a croak as she handed what she was holding to the woman, which could now be seen as a small baby blanket.
         Gently, the woman took it from her and looked at the girl as if some kind of recognition had occurred. "What is your name?" More tears splashed down her face, she began to back up off the porch and whispered, "It doesn't matter, my name no longer needs to be of any significance here." With that she turned and walked away quickly.
         Oh my heavens, oh my heavens, oh my heavens. As she ran home, her body still was shaking out of nervousness. But a sense of relief was washing over her, out of everything that had happened, it felt as if she had been given wings to fly again.

I don't owe you anything.