Sunday, June 9, 2013

Lose Yourself. Find Yourself. He is Never Far.

       She ran forward in the early evening sun, her feet pounded against the concrete. Desperately, she pushed forward, looking at the sky she could see the object falling. Her chest sputtered, and her breath heaved. Using all the energy she had, she cut through the field, running with all her might. The weeds snagged at her clothes, the wind pulled at her body.
      In all her rush, suddenly, the tip of her toe caught on a rock and she slapped the ground. The dirt,wood and rocks gashed into her skin. She frantically looked up again, it was so close to the ground.
       "No, no, no," She cried out in a raspy voice, "please! NO!"
       The object plummeted to the earth, mocking her attempts to catch it. Jumping to her feet, she seemed to be carried by the wind as she moved forward onto the street. She was so close, she could sense where the object would hit. Just a couple more steps, thrusting her hand forward, everything happened in slow motion. The twinkling article barely grazed her fingertips, as she closed her hand, and it all too gracefully fell to the asphalt. She let out an injured gasp, watching in horror as it shattered into thousands of pieces.
      A stabbing pain filled the empty chamber inside of her, where her heart should have been. Clutching her chest, she sank to the ground. Tears began to spill in waterfalls down her cheeks, her vision was blurry as she crawled forward.
        "Oh, oh, p-please. I have t-to fix-x it." She breathed in between hiccups and sobs, trying to helplessly pick up the tiny shards. A car honked as it flew by, crushing even more of the pieces, she dragged herself to the curb, realizing that the task was impossible. A deep pit began to form in her stomach, she was dizzy and sick. So she laid back in the grass and felt nothing but hurt, she closed her eyes waiting for some kind of peace to come and calm her soul.
       It didn't come.
       She laid there for what seemed like hours, and she could tell it was getting dark as the air started to cool off. The tears had stopped, but every once in a while she sucked in a ragged breath or let out a small hiccup. What am I going to do? Shaking her head, she opened her eyes. She let out a scream as she looked into an older man's face. Sitting up, she quickly backed away and the man stood up straight and laughed, "Just making sure you were still alive. I saw you out here a few hours ago too."
       She didn't reply, she still breathed deeply from the scare.
       The man tenderly smiled and motioned to the street, "What broke?"
       For some reason she felt a connection with as she looked into his eyes, they sparkled kindly and she felt a sudden deep trust for this man and she knew not why. She shrugged, both at her thoughts and at him, "Something of mine that was glass."
       "What kind of something?"
       "Oh... Nothing."
       "I don't think it was nothing."
        "Just something kind of special to me."
       He nodded his head, thinking, "Well, why don't you go and get another?" She understood why he would suggest such a thing, but it still created a throb of pain in her. She turned her face away, as he eyes threatened to spill over again, "It's not that simple... I can't get another."
       "Another what?" he questioned.
      She felt a pang of irritation, why does this dude want to know so freaking badly? But knowing he wouldn't believe the answer, she spoke the truth, "Another heart."
       Contrary to her expected reaction, he looked down at her and chuckled, "Well what was your heart doing falling from the sky?" Unsure of whether he was mocking her, she spoke slowly, "Because... Because it's complicated."
       It was complicated, very complicated. So complicated that she wasn't quite clear on the matter either. She sighed and pulled her knees to her chest, and to her surprise the elderly man sat down beside her. He looked quizzically at her and gave a concerned frown.
       "Why, it should be complicated! You don't hear of glass hearts falling from the sky everyday do you? Most people keep them in their chest so they can live," And then he laughed pleasantly, "Oh, I think I have a better question. My dear, why is your heart made of glass? Glass things are fragile and break at the slightest trauma, a heart is meant to be strong, to withstand life's battles. A glass heart would do you no good."
        She scoffed, "Yeah, tell me about it." When she looked at him, he had an an expectant expression written across his face. "My heart is glass because... it... it seemed easier to lock away. A heart that didn't have to be used, it could be kept from people... from people who pretend to love you and be your friend. People who act like you're inseparable, but once you leave you find out that they did all these things without you. Everyday you sit alone, and they say they're busy, so you think that it might be work or family stuff, but they're really just busy with other friends. Other friends that are more important than you...
       ...To protect it from boys, boys who you look up to and adore. Only to find out that they'd leave you in a moment's notice. They really only like the girls who are skinny and pretty, the models. From people who are angry and assume things about you that aren't true.
       ... I don't know. I was just sick of hurting, of getting left behind, of living all alone..."
       Once she had finished, she gazed shyly up at him, realizing how stupid she sounded. But his face was solemn and serious. They sat for a few minutes in the quiet and cool night, somehow she felt more comfortable with this man than she ever had with any of her 'friends', even as the silence stretched out, no awkward feeling arose between them.
       He opened his mouth, shut it, sat for a moment, then said simply, "You yourself forgot how to love."
       "What?" She asked, very shocked at the reply.
       He looked intently at her, "While you hid away your heart to keep it from pain, you also forgot that hearts not only give us hurt and anger, they are what allow us to love. You cannot love without pain."
       She looked away from him and up to the moon, she knew what he had said was true. That didn't mean she had to admit it though, but she was sure that he knew that. In fact, she was sure that he could almost read her very thoughts and the scripts written on her soul.
        Then he kept speaking, "And now I understand why your heart would have fallen so far to the earth. You kept it where you thought it would be safest, in the very crevasses of your imagination. Folded it into the depths of your emotions and wished it away. So away it went, out into the masses of space, and the moment your body needed a strong emotion, it came to get you. But, I don't think it actually fell from the sky." He nodded towards the street.
       Looking out to the ground she couldn't see even the slightest shimmer of glass in the moonlight. "But... but that can't be!" She gasped jumping to her feet. He stood up quietly behind her, she turned to him, "Where did it go?! My - my... heart," she whispered.
       "It's all inside of you," pointing to her head, "You need to get away from this fantasy that you can escape the pain these people are causing you. Because I don't think they know they are causing it. And this is life, you are here to feel trial." He then hugged her and started to walk away.
        She looked around, still grasping his curt goodbye. So many questions still burned in her head, but she only shouted one after him, "Who are you?!"
        He paused in his tracks and turned to smile at her, "You know me. Who else would come to save you but a King?" Then He was gone.
        "Oh my..." Suddenly everything she had felt when she first saw Him made sense, the connection. Although she had abandoned hope for anyone else, her Savior, her Brother had not abandoned hope for her.  
   
     

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